do it afraid

I have made it to Amsterdam. I got here early this morning and while I tried my best to follow the example my dad always set when traveling overseas (get off the plane, start touring immediately), after a sleepless night flight, I couldn't resist a nap today. I walked around a bit, through the Museumsplein and Vondelpark, but I'm going to save the rest for the next few days.

While I am thrilled to begin my study abroad in South Africa, I'm also absolutely nervous and uncertain. I have travelled a lot, but I've never left the USA for so long for a place where I don't know anybody. Whenever I'm asked about my travel plans, I always have to admit that I have no idea what to expect, and that is a daunting feeling.

Yesterday when Cameron dropped me off at the airport, she offered me words of advice to "do it afraid," something her brother had told her when she studied abroad in college (apparently their mom learned it from none other than Kim Bassinger, who supposedly followed the mantra in college).

I am afraid, I will admit that. But it is too late to turn back now, and I know I would forever regret it if I didn't seize this opportunity.

On a similar note, last night somewhere over the Atlantic, the R.E.M. song "E-bow the letter" from which my blog is named came up on my ipod's shuffle. Last summer I chose the title aluminum adrenaline simply because I always liked the song. But while listening to it last night, I realized that in some way, the lyrics really apply to how I feel about all of this:

"aluminum, tastes like fear, adrenaline, it pulls us near"

There's fear, but despite that fear, I am drawn to the excitement of travel, but I can only do it without expectations.